“Why don’t you have many female friends?”
“Seriously, that’s the first thing you are asking me?”
“I’m asking what is currently on your mind…my mind…whatever…”
“Ughh, ok, see the thing is I don’t get on well with girls… can’t put up with all the unnecessary drama, I have enough of my own. Some would say that a penis would suit me very well, based on my attitude towards girls, but let’s be honest – girls are bitches, all of us and it has always been and it will always be like this. Well, of course the bitchiness come in sizes – massive bitches, the ones that you just want to mop the floor with, moderate – the type that are really annoying and do stupid stuff, about which they complain later, even though you’ve warned them beforehand, and of course the mild bitches – the closest to a normal person, with little flaws here and there, not too irritating, not too boring, not too loud, but at some point you know they will also mess up somehow. It’s inescapable. “
“What kinda bitch are you, then?”
“I’d like to believe I’m a mild bitch, but I do realise I sometimes have the symptoms of a moderate one. My situation usually worsens when I’m around other bitches, so I tend to protect myself and hang out with mainly guys.”
“Isn’t that even bitchier?”
“Yeah, some people would say exactly that thing. Oh, she’s always seen with guys, different ones, she must be a whore!… Or a massive bitch. But here’s the thing, I don’t sleep with those guys, don’t make out with them, don’t even kiss them, they are just my friends. I mean, come on, it’s so much easier to have a guy for a friend than a girl. Here are some super valid points to support my statement. First, you talk to them whenever YOU want to talk to them. If they text you, call you, write you on Facebook, whatever… you can reply if YOU want to, if YOU are in the mood, and the best thing is, if you decide to ignore them they won’t come after you saying “ Oh, my Gawd, last night we spoke for 3 hours and then when I was just about to finish my heartbreaking story of how I lost 2 of my super expensive new nails you suddenly disappeared!!! And you didn’t even say GOOD NIGHT!!!! What kinda friend are you?!?!?!” …then she starts crying… Of course you hate being guilty for someone’s unhappiness so you start making up lies, like “ermm… sorry babes, the internet went off, or my phone died or I heard a strange noise in the kitchen and went to check it… And then she’ll be “LIAR!!! I saw you updated your online status 2 minutes after I said good night!”…*Sigh* …See that’s what I mean, you will never hear something like that from a guy. He won’t ask you why didn’t you say “good night” or why did you break the conversation just like that… you don’t need to make up stupid excuses and explain yourself. He won’t notice that you updated your status after he said something and you never replied and this is not because he’s stupid or pays less attention, it’s just because he doesn’t care for the damn “good night”! He knows that you will talk again tomorrow or even in a few days and the conversation will still start from where it stopped, so there’s no reason for drama plays… It saves so much energy! Second, his problems are never more important than yours and in fact he’s actually very likely to give you valuable advice, ESPECIALLY when it comes to other men. Besides they say that women are gossips, but you should check for yourself how many interesting stories and spicy details you can get out from a man. Once they start blabbing, they can’t stop.
“From all I heard, you sound enormously selfish! I’m not in the mood, I don’t want to listen to her, I have my own problems… You truly are a terrible friend. It’s not all about taking, it’s also about giving!”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… I’m not saying I wouldn’t listen to her at all, or won’t try to help or anything like that, it’s just that… it has to have limits and those limits not to be crossed ALL THE TIME!”
“So do you have any female friends at all, then?”
“Of course I do! And my life would be miserable without them, but they are just mild bitches, like me, so we somehow understand and don’t mentally and emotionally terrorise each other. I mean there are a few that I can not talk to for weeks and still we are good, no, not even good, we are perfect. We know our lives, we share, we help one another but we learned to perfectly measure the amount of that.”
“Do you hate women?”
“That’s not possible. I’m a woman – I can’t hate myself.”
“Wow, you are narcissist as well!”
“No, I’m not! You don’t get my point. Show me a person who really hates themselves? Nobody hates themselves, it’s just human nature – we are egoists and love ourselves. How else would you explain self-protection instinct? We don’t like getting hurt in any way.”
“Some people hurt themselves.”
“They do it out of 1. Mental weakness, 2. Mental issues, 3. To prove an invalid point, but never because they truly hate themselves.”
“Mental issues, you say… how do you know you don’t have some?”
“I’m not crazy, just straight forward.”
“But you are talking to yourself…”
“Wrong. I’m analysing my own thoughts and putting them on paper. Besides, do you know how many people will consider this genius style of writing…”
“Oh my God! When did you start having so much self-confidence?”
“That’s why you are still there, to bring it down when needed. *Wink, wink*
UNAPOLOGETIC 